always going to bed very late. He must be afraid of falling asleep alone.
I continue to have debates with myself whether or not I want to be in a relationship. Furthermore, whether or not I want to be in a relationship with a guy. If I can't figure this out for myself, I can't possibly expect my parents and the rest of the family to understand this themselves. I had like 20 years to sort everything out; that is around 20 years more than my family. If I were to walk through the door one day, hand-in-hand with my boyfriend, I would imagine my parents to be absolutely appalled. The Heart and Stroke Foundation should note down "surprising people with your homosexuality" as a major cause of heart attacks and strokes.
Maybe let's discuss the issue in two parts: a) whether or not I want to be in a relationship and b) boyfriend or girlfriend. Part of the reason I want a boyfriend/girlfriend might be because everyone else appears to have one. In fact, a lot of my friends my age have married or at least been engaged. This scenario is the classic, playground peer-pressure situation — everyone is doing it, so why not me? Everyone in a relationship gets bonuses like having someone drive you to school, cook for you, and do your laundry. Although, these bonuses should not be the motivators for dating someone lol. It's nice to have someone accompany you as you go around your daily business. You can't exactly take your pet to school or to the mall. Right now, the laptop keeps me company, and that is pretty much all the human interaction I get when I am not in the lab.
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| Must be nice to have someone... :( |
Boyfriend or girlfriend? Right off the top of my head, I think I will like to have a boyfriend. However, with further consideration, I am not so sure. A lot of my best friends are girls *cough* gay stereotype *cough*. I have thought that romantic relationships start out as casual friendships. I don't get along with other boys very well. Sometimes, girls just seem more fun and lively than boys. Nonetheless, I have never seen a girl entirely naked. From, what I saw upon accidentally stumbling upon porn sites, I can say that I am not interested. Not interested AT ALL! :O Physical attraction is important in a relationship, right? Boys can be emotionally complex creatures. I know from experience that I am very good at bottling up emotions to an explosive level. Some girls cry and bitch, and these are healthy outlets for them. Even if I do pick "boyfriend", I might have buyer's remorse.
These internal debates I have might be pointless after all. Maybe I'm destined to be alone forever. :(
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Being alone, not forever, but for this life, can be tolerable.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if we've talked about this before, but obviously what you believe the Bible really says about same sex activity and how authoritative you believe it is will have something to do with whether you choose to have a boyfriend or not.
IMO to have a girlfriend when you find the female body unattractive wouldn't make much sense, and could well be unfair to the girl.
Apart from having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it is possible to have a friend — and probably a good idea.
Hang in there.
Hi there, Brody
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is the case that you are destined not to have a relationship. It might or might not happen, and probably the most significant factor in the outcome is you, and what you do. If you want to have a relationship, then it's helpful to behave in ways that will allow one to occur and develop, mainly meeting new people and getting to know them. This goes for friendships as well as relationships, of course.
I don't think peer pressure (or family pressure) is a good reason for being in a relationship. I admit it can be a powerful force, but I think that you should try to live the way that best suits you. If your heart isn't in a relationship it's not going to work.
Boyfriend or girlfriend: as naturgesetz said, if you're not attracted to women, a relationship with one is unlikely to work. Friendships, however, can work just fine, and having shared interests will be helpful for that. I think women are just as emotionally complex as men, albeit perhaps in different ways ("men are from Mars, women are from Venus" and all that). Men can also be at ease with their emotions, and women can also bottle them up.
If you're going to come out to your parents, there are gentler ways to do it than by introducing your boyfriend :-)
Overall, I would suggest that you try to meet more people and make friends. Organisations for people with your interests can be a good place for this. If it's an LBGT group as well, then there's always the possibility of things developing further.
Good luck! You deserve to be happy.
Take care
Mark
All of my best friends are guys. Does that make me a Bad Gay? ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that you posted about "being in a relationship," because a year or so ago, I asked myself the same question, and the answer was "Physically, yes. Emotionally, no." Around that time I actively was searching for simple physical flings, and was mostly-failing. What I think (analyzing my own reactions) was that I'd experienced good sex and wanted more of it, but had not experienced any real emotional connection, so was not aware of what I was missing.
I happen to like the "friends with benefits" relationship that I have with one of my random internet friends. He and I, however, do not click outside of the bedroom, or outside of some specific topics online.
My current boyfriend DJ, however, are probably about a 75% match in the bedroom, but are VERY well matched (96% according to OKCupid!) overall.
@naturgesetz: I probably should expect to be friends with someone first before moving into girlfriend/boyfriend territory.
ReplyDelete@Mark: Thanks, Mark. I hope that special someone comes sooner than later!
@Gauss Jordan: You're a bad gay; are you even gay? Lol, just kidding :P. I don't know why, but I have always wanted to go for amazing emotional connection first before being concerned about great sex. Although, if know that the sex is going to be awful beforehand, it might be difficult for me to stay put. You picked DJ over your internet "friend with benefits" even though DJ is less matched with you in the bedroom. Maybe your focus is shifting toward a relationship focus? :)