Close, but no cigar

Last Friday, after trying to politely explain to Christian Paula that I had a mixer to go to that evening with my LGBT student group (while detailing my views about gays, trans, and queers in general), I finally arrived at the mixer — greeted by a very enthusiastic trans girl. She was the trans girl I met when I asked about Queers on Campus for the first time. The trans girl told me that there was someone in the group who liked me. I was a bit surprised, and slightly elated, but downright nervous. I had no idea who it was. I was so going to make a fool of myself. Saying stupid things, pointing out the obvious, and the like. I asked her who it was. She assured me that she would tell me when he arrived. Apparently, he was not at the mixer yet.  I sort of protested to the trans girl about me going out with another boy. I am quite busy with school and everything, and I still need to figure out for myself what I want in a relationship. The trans girl was unrelenting but gentle. She suggested, "be friends first, take things slowly, let the relationship grow."


Subsequently, I chatted with a charming French Canadian lesbian, the trans girl again, and finally this one particular boy. This particular boy was Zac, one my first contacts with the student group. He is quite passive. Not terribly funny or very exciting. Although, I like him. He is very friendly, and I can talk biochemistry with him because he studies biological sciences. I think he is kind of handsome and my type.  Well, not exactly my type maybe. Let's say 3.5 to 4 out of 5. I have always wanted to chat with him but never really got the chance because I was too shy. 


It was nearly time to head home, and the trans girl did not explicitly mention to me who the guy was who liked me. Maybe I discouraged her or that guy? 


Nevertheless, there is a boy who has been trying very hard to be friends with me at the mixer and now on Facebook. He is extremely polite, self-effacing, and sweet. Perhaps a bit too sweet. I wonder if this is the guy that the trans girl wanted me to meet. He is not exactly my type. I like him as a friend but not really a boyfriend. I would hate to disappoint this boy... He keeps sending long messages to me on Facebook. He talks about things in general, like my research, not about dating. I kind of wish Zac, or someone else I sort of fancy, will send me long messages on Facebook.

So, at the end of the night, I think I might have gotten into some sort of unspoken, tangled web of affections. I like Zac (but I might not be ready and such), Zac may like another boy (I saw him sitting on another guy's lap throughout a previous movie night), and the extremely sweet boy could like me but is not quite my type. This love triangle (can you even call it that?) could all be in my head. 

Matter, energy, and time slow down below -40 °C

Of all the years I have lived in Edmonton (three hours north of Calgary by car), I have never experienced weather colder than -35 °C (-31 °F). Now, the weather forecast is telling me that tonight will feel as cold as -49 °C (-56 °F)! Wouldn't it be cool (pun intended) if matter, energy, and most of all, time, slowed down when it gets that cold? Although, that will not mean that I get more hours in the day to get work done. Since time is relative, I guess I will only be moving slower than everyone else in warmer parts of the world haha.

Scotch & Soda

Even at 50 % off, their pieces are very pricey but also very hot!

One of my very good friends introduced me to Scotch & Soda when I went home for the holidays.  It is a new clothing store that seemed to have opened up recently in West Edmonton Mall. I love the store's design! It has a retro feel and elements of steampunk. Their clothes are very expensive though! :S

I took a bunch of pictures during the holidays, but they were not quite enough. This afternoon, I finally discovered a Scotch & Soda here in Calgary and finished noting down the things I want to put into my lookbook entry about this store.

This magnifying glass apparatus... thing... looks very steampunk.

Pretty tiles.

I have always wanted stage lights in my home.

Brody is...

always going to bed very late. He must be afraid of falling asleep alone.


I continue to have debates with myself whether or not I want to be in a relationship. Furthermore, whether or not I want to be in a relationship with a guy.  If I can't figure this out for myself, I can't possibly expect my parents and the rest of the family to understand this themselves. I had like 20 years to sort everything out; that is around 20 years more than my family.  If I were to walk through the door one day, hand-in-hand with my boyfriend, I would imagine my parents to be absolutely appalled. The Heart and Stroke Foundation should note down "surprising people with your homosexuality" as a major cause of heart attacks and strokes.

Maybe let's discuss the issue in two parts: a) whether or not I want to be in a relationship and b) boyfriend or girlfriend.  Part of the reason I want a boyfriend/girlfriend might be because everyone else appears to have one. In fact, a lot of my friends my age have married or at least been engaged. This scenario is the classic, playground peer-pressure situation — everyone is doing it, so why not me? Everyone in a relationship gets bonuses like having someone drive you to school, cook for you, and do your laundry. Although, these bonuses should not be the motivators for dating someone lol.  It's nice to have someone accompany you as you go around your daily business. You can't exactly take your pet to school or to the mall. Right now, the laptop keeps me company, and that is pretty much all the human interaction I get when I am not in the lab.

Must be nice to have someone... :(

Boyfriend or girlfriend? Right off the top of my head, I think I will like to have a boyfriend. However, with further consideration, I am not so sure. A lot of my best friends are girls *cough* gay stereotype *cough*. I have thought that romantic relationships start out as casual friendships. I don't get along with other boys very well.  Sometimes, girls just seem more fun and lively than boys.  Nonetheless, I have never seen a girl entirely naked. From, what I saw upon accidentally stumbling upon porn sites, I can say that I am not interested. Not interested AT ALL! :O Physical attraction is important in a relationship, right?  Boys can be emotionally complex creatures. I know from experience that I am very good at bottling up emotions to an explosive level.  Some girls cry and bitch, and these are healthy outlets for them.  Even if I do pick "boyfriend", I might have buyer's remorse.
 
These internal debates I have might be pointless after all.  Maybe I'm destined to be alone forever. :( 

What happens in Canada, stays in Canada

Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper

News agencies, and my Facebook pages too, have exploded into a fiery mess of a controversy involving the validity of gay marriages conducted in Canada.^1,2,3,4,5 The issue centres around the argument put forth by a federal government lawyer that all same-sex marriages involving foreigners are considered invalid if the foreigners' country of origin does not support same-sex marriage.

Popular columnist Dan Savage and his husband, Terry Miller.  "I had been divorced overnight," said Savage.

Based on the lawyer's view, Dan Savage and husband Terry Miller, who wed in Vancouver, would not be considered to be married at the federal level because they live in the United States.²

The prime minister stated that he did not wish to re-open the same-sex marriage debate.⁶

A student on the Queers on Campus Facebook page posted the following:

It is uncertain whether or not this controversy will lead to the invalidation of countless marriages of foreign couples or spark further debates in other similar topics.

Long time no see, Dr Dean

I received a big piece of mail from the Faculty of Engineering at the University of Alberta.  I have not received any letters from the UofA for awhile now. The reason why the mail was so big was that it contained a calendar for the new year. It was a reasonably attractive calendar. Although, also in the mail was a letter from the dean asking for donations.

I know that it is standard practice for schools and organizations to ask for donations, but I was particularly annoyed that the Faculty of Engineering was asking me for donation considering my previous experiences at school. I question whether the donations actually help make the faculty better for everyone, students especially. We have new buildings and renovations underway for engineering students, thanks to companies' and individuals' generous donations; however, I don't think that these will make everything better.  While I was still in engineering, my classmates and I had a share of bad professors who don't really care about their students and/or just can't teach.  If you put the same awful professors in a really luxurious classroom, I will bet that the quality of teaching will still be as bad.  The reason I am in Calgary is because Dr Lu has no more funding for me.  I noticed that the funding that the faculty received, and the University of Alberta in general, seemed to benefit a small group of individuals, for instance, a single professor getting an enormous grant for her/his lab for studying oil sands or a building devoted to research that only a small group of privileged researchers can access, while everyone else is restricted.  Year after year, tuition increases and prominent staff members of the university ask for donations. I have no idea where the money is going, and why the school fees keep increasing without end. Students are not necessarily having a better time at school.

No thanks.

Macaroni and cheese, ten years later

I can't believe I'm back in Calgary for a week already. I miss home...

Things have been off on a slow start. A major accomplishment happened in the lab while I was away. My immediate supervisor managed to clone a piece of DNA into a plasmid. I have been trying the same procedure for two months already, and nothing has worked. Now, I can finally move on in the project rather than being stuck at one place.

Today, I made macaroni and cheese (from the box) for the first time ever!  The last time I had macaroni and cheese was over ten years ago when my mom made it. I did not quite like it then and continues to be puzzled about it now. Why is the "cheese", that powder stuff in the packet, so yellow? It is such a brightly intense, neon orangey-yellow. I had doubts whether it was edible. When I tasted a spoonful of the fluorescent pasta once it was done cooking, I did not find the flavour really appealing. A bit artificial. Was the cheese supposed to be cheddar? It did not taste like cheddar. I kind of knew that it was cheese, but there was just something peculiar about it lol. Awkward...